WORKING THE RECOVERY STEPS

STEP FIVE
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. 

SPIRITUAL PRINCIPLE: CONFIDENCE

FIFTH STEP PRAYER

My inventory has shown me who I am, yet I ask for Your help in admitting my wrongs to another person and to You. Assure me and be with me in this Step, for without this Step I cannot progress in my recovery. With Your help, I can do this, and I do it.

STEP FIVE
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. 

If we have already discussed the worksheets we created for our moral and financial inventory with our sponsor, we have already come a long way in working Step Five. In addition, chances are at meetings we may have shared some stories about our gambling history that we wouldn’t share with other people – often including family and other people that we may love. Nonetheless, “we are only as sick as our secrets” and now we have to make sure that we are holding nothing back.

The practice and proven benefits of admitting one’s past behavior to another person is very ancient. It is an integral part of many spiritual practices as well as being the cornerstone of psychoanalysis and counseling. Only when we can fully admit our past behavior can we begin to become completely free from it.

One of the important benefits of Step Five is the relief from that terrible sense of loneness. Compulsive gamblers are frequently tortured by loneliness. Often, we felt that we didn’t quite belong. We may have been shy and couldn’t form true partnerships or we may have been superficially outgoing but never felt true companionship. These secrets surrounding our gambling and other behavior kept us apart from others. Only when we can fully trust another person with these secrets, can we begin to truly connect with all of our fellow human beings.

Perhaps when we first came to Recovery Road Online, we at least felt that for the first-time other people really understood us. One member shared at a meeting that even though he promised himself that he wouldn’t gamble anymore, he felt like his car was driving him against his will to the casino. Much to his surprise instead of seeing faces looking at him like he was crazy, he saw smiling faces and nodding heads. Another member then shared “Yeah – I used to have a car like that too” which brought much laughter in the room.

Recovery Road Online meetings can certainly help with that feeling of being alone in the social sense. However, many of us still suffer the pangs of anxious apartness. Until we can talk with complete candor to another person, we often felt that we still didn’t belong. Step Five is the answer. In all likelihood our sponsor will share similar stories to our own and we will finally realize that we are not such unique snowflakes after all. Chances are our past behavior is more typical than we think.

At this point it is critical that we look deeply into the vault for those secrets that we swore we would take to the grave. Whether we are holding onto some past situation relative to our sexual behavior, a crime, a lie, or a painful childhood memory, we must decide to become free of its power over us. We must call on our higher power again for the courage to completely trust another human being.

If we have any reservations about sharing this with our sponsor, we can certainly confide in a spiritual advisor, therapist, physician, trusted family member or friend. The point is that we can no longer allow these things to stand between us and our connection to our higher power and to our humanity. We must be ready to stand shoulder to shoulder with other men and women in this world.

If we believe that we have held back admitting any situations in our past which make us feel uncomfortable or anxious, we need to have a final meeting with our sponsor or other person to share this last secret. After we have fearlessly examined our life and determined that there are truly no other secrets about our life that we haven’t discussed with another person, we can take a moment to pause and thank our higher power for the courage to take this important step.

Now we are ready to move on to Step Six.