In some cases, the only thing we can do is to admit exactly what we did and express sincere regret. One of the most powerful and effective types of amends is what is known as a “living amends”. In this case, after we admit our behavior and express our regret, we make sure that we change our behavior and begin practicing honesty and kindness with the people on our list. Our commitments to the living amends are likely to initially be met with skepticism. In all likelihood, we have made similar commitments to change in the past and have fallen short. In some cases, it may take a very long time before we can earn back trust. We need to accept this. It may have taken many years to cause all of this wreckage. We cannot expect it to all be repaired in a few weeks.

It is not uncommon for compulsive gamblers to have committed criminal acts. In many cases they were petty, but in some cases they may have been substantial. It is important for us to make amends for this behavior, but we should be prudent in our approach. It may not be the best outcome for us to serve a long prison sentence and be unable to earn income to take care of our family or make the financial amends to others. In these cases, we would recommend consulting an attorney. However, we should make it clear to them the absolute necessity for our making amends. We are not trying to get away with anything.

There are often situations where it is not possible to make direct amends. Perhaps the person has passed away or we can no longer find where they now live. We should not feel that this absolves us of our responsibility. In these cases, we recommend things like writing a letter and reading at their gravesite. We make the financial amends to their next of kin or make an appropriate (equal to the debt) contribution to a charity you think they would like in their name.

In all cases, we must not concern ourselves very much with their reaction to our amends. In many cases we will be surprised with the forgiveness and warmth that people express. Often, they will be happy to learn that we are trying to turn our lives around and wish to have a broken relationship with us restored. In other cases, they may be angry and may not wish to have anything ever to do with us again. The reaction also may be somewhere in the middle, where they simply are understandably skeptical of this new life we are describing to them.

Regardless of their reaction, we must never be defensive or argumentative. We should sit quietly and let them say whatever it is they feel that they need to say. Even if they unfairly accuse us of things, we do not believe to be true, we need to understand that this is their perception of the situation and that is all that matters. When they are finished, we ask them if there is anything else that they wish to say. If they say “no”, we thank them for giving us this time. If we had previously been avoiding them, we assure them that from now on we will be available if they wish to discuss this any further at some future time.

It is not uncommon for compulsive gamblers to procrastinate this step – but we do so at our peril. The best way to start doing something is to start doing it. Some members start their Ninth Step by choosing as their first amend someone such as a loving parent or sibling that they are pretty confident will be pleased with this initiative. This sometimes can provide the experience and confidence for the other amends on the list. Sometimes it may make sense to delay a particular amend. If, for example, we are planning to travel near someone on the list in a few months that will allow a face-to-face meeting, it might be better to wait. However, it is generally advisable to just get this step completed as soon as possible.

When we have made all of the amends on our list except a) those we have determined would cause injury to others or b) we have decided to delay for a good reason, we should make some time for quiet reflection. Chances are some of these amends were quite emotional. We are undoubtedly now experiencing a lightening of the load we were carrying. We thank our higher power for the willingness we have been given to come this far. At this point, some members, for the first time in their lives, now begin to feel “right sized” and that The Promises are beginning to come true in their lives. Most importantly, we may start to notice that the compulsion to gamble is beginning to be relieved.

We are now ready to move on to Step Ten.